When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
