she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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