And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
