He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
