if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
