It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
