I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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