I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i think i have two assholes
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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