You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
