I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
