I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
