just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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