I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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