He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The beers last night were like the tears from god
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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