so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
