I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I didn't notice because vodka
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
