Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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