Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
