Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
you are never too drunk for berry picking
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
