guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
