Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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