Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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