it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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