And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize