he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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