Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Randomize
