Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
