im drinking this country out of the recession.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
