I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
