What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
