but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
