I wish I could punch you in the face.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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