I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
