i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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