Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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