i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
