I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
