I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
