ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
