I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
