I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
