His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
