Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
