its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
