Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
