yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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