He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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