You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
