So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
