Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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