You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
