We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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