I hate all girls vehemently.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
