Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
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I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
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Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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