Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
