I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
