is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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