A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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