if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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