I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
