I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
