I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
