Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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