i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
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I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
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The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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