Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
