Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
